At the start of KO's beginner's course, we were advised to take a temporary hiatus from the worship of individual gods to focus on the concept of Netjer, the One and the Many. I have to admit, I didn't really like the idea. But I joined the class to learn something new, to expand my horizons, blah blah blah. So I told myself to get over it and give this Netjer thing a chance.
At first, praying to Netjer only reminded me of why I'm a polytheist. Gods I understand. I can talk to them, they can talk to me. They have strong and distinct personalities, things they like and things they don't. When I pray or make offerings, I connect with them. We have ourselves a moment, and it's all very touching. Netjer on the other hand....
How do you connect with something that vast? How do you know that it's out there, that it cares? Or that it is even aware of us? Giving offerings to Netjer was very disheartening. I felt like I was just throwing words out there; that they just floated off into the ether until they disappeared from my plane of awareness, forever lost and forgotten.
I think a person's natural inclination is to humanize something that they don't understand. If you give it a face, a personality, you can begin to understand it. But I couldn't give Netjer a face. That would make It too akin to the Christian's god, and my inability to accept such a concept is one of the many reasons I left the Catholic faith. Needless to say, I was frustrated. Why even bother with Netjer? We have the Names, the gods, after all. They seem like more than enough for me.
I believe that everyone and everything is made out of the same stuff spiritually. It's not an original idea, I know, but it is a very beautiful one nonetheless. It reflects the interconnectedness and significance of all things. Considering this, I have often played with the idea of a sort of "divine source," for lack of a better word. I see it as the roots of some grand divine family tree, or the sum of all things, or any number of random concepts. It was never important for me to define this thing. In fact, I've always liked the mystery of it... it's like a philosophical toy that I get to play with whenever I want.
I mention this because in the course of my "communications" with Netjer, this is how I have at last, on some level, been able to understand and ultimately connect with It. It is too big to be personified, to be defined, or packed into a tidy parcel. It just Is. And I am perfectly content with that.